Doctor Who: Robot Of Sherwood

Now this is more like it!

'Robot Of Sherwood' is the token historical figure episode of Doctor Who. We've had Charles Dickens, William Shakespeare, Winston Churchill, Vincent Van Gogh and now...Robin Hood?! Really? Well I guess he does technically count as a historical figure...

'Sherwood' your quintessential Robin Hood tale shrunken down to fit 45 minutes with the Doctor and Clara stumbling into the middle of it. Yes it looks too sunny, yes Robin Hood is an extreme caricature and yes everyone looks clean, but all of this is immediately poked fun at by the Doctor who spends the entire episode refusing to believe that the man in the green tights is real. He's right, there is of course a clever sci-fi twist (can we go ONE episode without aliens?) that's literally in the title of the episode. I think it's safe to say hilarious hijinks ensue, and several of the Robin Hood 'iconic moments' are evoqued. You've got it all really: a climactic hero/villain sword fight, an archery tournament, the band of merry men, the Sheriff plundering the land for it's wealth to fuel his evil schemes...a lot of it is covered here. Nothing is done is an original way (a lot of this stuff has been adapted loads of times over the years) but if you're curious about what a goofy Robin Hood themed episode of Doctor Who would be like then 'Robot Of Sherwood' is right up your alley. 

It's comes as no surprise to see that Mark Gatiss is on scripting duties here, writer of 'A Crimson Horror' from Series 7. His latest episodes revel in the slightly sillier aspects of the show, esquing the seriousness for some frothy campy fun. The tonal shift is welcome after a couple of rather bleak episodes and allows Capaldi to stretch his comedy muscles, which are sublime. 

The Doctor subtlety giving Robin Hood the finger. I love Doctor Who

They should just rename this episode to 'The Capaldi Show' because he stole every single scene he was in. Whether it was the spoon fight, the arrow contest: 'This is getting silly...' or the best buddy cop duo since Bad Boys 2 (omg the banter between the Doctor and Robin was hilarious) he excelled at being the grumpiest git around. I mean just look his facial expressions, the guy's a comedic genius. It's taken us a couple of episodes but we're finally seeing the lighter side to this incarnation. Jenna Coleman continues to be great as well, her ability to inject every scene with boundless enthusiasm is infectious and she continues to run circles around the men: Clara's shtick of getting the bad guys to reveal their evil plans seems to be her insta-win card. I mean out of the three episodes so far she's managed to outsmart the villain twice AND put the Doctor in his place on several occasions (definitely the signs of a closet control freak...). She's quickly becoming an extremely likeable and head-strong companion without resorting to the damsel in distress stereotype that even the best companions fall stray to occasionally. In short: I like her a lot better now.

Guest starring this week are Tom Riley and Ben Miller, both of them great in their roles. Riley's take on Robin is more spiritually linked to the men in tights version then the more recent Russell Crowe adaptation, with a few echoes of the Disney version sprinkled in at the arrow contest (notice the floppy hat). He's very much an idealised and larger than life depiction of the character just like Gatiss's depiction of Winston Churchill in 'Victory Of The Daleks'. Riley puts in a solid effort, and looks the part. This Robin isn't quite three dimensional though, it's a shame his character is only really explored in the scenes where he interacted with Clara. Ben Miller's Sheriff was another pleasant surprise. Right down to the facial hair he's a dead ringer for Anthony Ainleys Master and seems to be parodying him at points: 'First Darby, then....Lincoln. And then....THE WORLD!!' He's an entertaining villain that's threatening enough to at least be taken partially seriously. It's a shame they cut the *beheading scene though, I hope it will be on the DVD as it added quite a lot to his character and actually explained the title. Both of these actor's ham it up but don't quite take it to the point of ridiculousness, the script is adept enough to put a fine line just before we reach the point of absurdity.  

Filming pic: now all we need is a moustache twirl...

While the more serious Who fan in me was hoping for a more realistic approach to the legend (the tear-heavy Vincent Van Gogh episode comes to mind) this episode was so much fun and the performances where so charismatic you kinda get over it after a while. The episode is smart to provide both viewpoints through the main characters. You can side with the Doctor's viewpoint: that all of this whiffs of sterilised Disney bullsh*t, or embrace the larger than life goings on with Clara. Either way you're going to be laughing with or at Capaldi as he's essentially the straight man of the story. The plot goes halfway into explaining why everything is the way it is, suffice to say alien tampering has altered events a little. The robot beings in this story are note for note the same as the robots in 'Deep Breath': we're not told anything other than the fact that they're robots and they want to rebuild their crashed ship to escape to the promised land. It's LITERALLY the same plot, so it has to be intentional right? Where is all this stuff with heaven building to? People are apparently aware of it's existence but why do robots want to get there so much? This is utter speculation on my part but Cybermen have been confirmed to feature in the finale....cyborg/robot team-up anyone? Other than the copy/paste extra-terrestrial element, I found the resolution to be lacking. It's complete bullcrap and makes little to no sense at all but...*LOOKS AT WATCH* 'OH NOES! I'VE ONLY GOT TWO MINUTES OF EPISODE TIME LEFT! I'VE GOT TO WRAP THIS UP QUICKLY.....TIME TO DEPLOY NONSENSICAL SOLUTION THAT DOESN'T INVOLVE THE SONIC SCREWDRIVER!'

....yeah, I'm guessing that's exactly what happened. Props for making fun of the screwdriver though. 

While not exactly a classic, 'Robot Of Sherwood' is nonetheless a greatly entertaining bit of fluff to spend 45 minutes on. Quite like Gatiss's previous story 'The Crimson Horror' it's an expert blend of humour and wit wrapped up with a golden bow.

Positives:

+ 12th Doctor giving Robin Hood the finger
+ More of grumpy 12
+ More great Clara moments
+ Campy fun
+ Ben Miller hamming it up as the Sheriff!
+ Tom Riley hamming it up as Robin Hood!
+ It's really funny
+ The tournament scene

Negatives:

- The nonsensical resolution to the villain's plot
- Might have preferred a more serious take on the legend

Overall score: 9/10

*For those not in the know, Robin originally lopped the Sheriffs head off during the fight...revealing the Sheriff as a robot! His talking head (rolling onto the floor) claimed that his Robot pals had to rebuild him after their ship crash-landed on top of him, and after a brief altercation his head was then put back in it's rightful place and the fight continued as normal. It's only a minute or two and it's a shame that the recent news events prevent us from ever seeing this in the finished episode. Maybe for the Blu-Ray/DVD release?

Doctor Who: Into The Dalek

'Into The Dalek' takes place in an unspecified future where the Combined Galactic Resistance have stumbled upon a damaged Dalek that hates other Daleks. In a cross between 'Fantastic Voyage' and 'Journey To The Center Of The Earth' the Doctor and Clara (+ a couple of redshirts) get shrunk down and have to go inside the Dalek in order to discover what makes a 'good' Dalek. It's an interesting and fairly ambitious premise squandered by poor special effects and lame character stereotypes. Well okay, it wasn't completely terrible, it had some cool Dalek action and I generally liked everything to do with the Doctor and Clara. Everything else....kinda fell flat on it's face.

Phil Ford and Steven Moffat penned this episode. Fords last Doctor Who credit was the brilliant 'The Water's Of Mars', one of my favourite Who episodes ever. It was phenomenal TV, so it's a shame his latest story isn't up to scratch. Because there's two writers it's difficult to ascertain who wrote what, but the 12th Doctor had some killer lines in this episode. 'He's on the top layer if you want to say something' had me guffawing rather loudly. And how does the 12th Doctor open the TARDIS? He kicks the door open of course. Capaldi was amazing in every scene and his take on this supposed 'darker' Doctor feels really refreshing. He comes off as a grumpy bastard, and I do like a bit of bastard in my Doctor...

His actions are certainly questionable at times, he basically lied to Redshirt No 1 with the radiation pill and then joked about his death afterwards. He was also pretty rude to Clara in this episode, commenting on her 'manly' physique (she does give him a well deserved slap later, so they're mostly even). It's not something Doctors 10 or 11 would even consider doing, perhaps echoing the War Doctor's comments about both of then needing to grow up? Either way I can't see Capaldi's Doctor being put onto school lunch-boxes any time soon.

The new Doctor is aware of his increasing lack of empathy however. He questions Clara about whether she considers him 'a good man'. Clara responds at first by saying 'I don't know...' but later on she revises this to '...but I think you try to be, which is probably the point'. So yes, this new Doctor does come off as a total d*ck but his heart is still in the right place I guess. He's not 'darker' per-se, just really grumpy. Capaldi's reign seems to be making this aspect of the Doctors psyche much more pronounced again (both the first and sixth Doctors can be classified as grumpy at times). Clara's role so far this season has been a moral compass for the Doctor, she's the one keeping him in check. I'm interested to see how this particular TARDIS due will develop, it's a companion/doctor dynamic that we haven't really seen since the days of Rose and Christopher Eccleston and once again feels really fresh. They're both a shining light in an otherwise bland episode. 

This Doctor has issues...

Now for the negatives...

Read that premise, doesn't that sound awesome? On paper it sounds great: Dalek antibodies, walking up the signature eyestalk, protein vats, memory banks, the giant kaled inside writhing it's tentacles around, a mini-nuclear reactor...there's a lot of good stuff to play around with here. It's a shame then that (aside from a few establishing CGI shots) the physical sets don't seem to really do it justice. The camera is constantly zoomed in on the actor's faces and we never get a sense of the space they're in. The designs are rather uninspired as well: the Dalek antibodies look generic and are very similar to the ones from the Tesselecta, the memory banks are a bunch of super fake looking clean plastic tubes. The space sequence in the beginning also looked super naff despite the CGI being relatively okay looking. And that fight between the Daleks and the Galactic Alliance soldiers? While some very pretty explosions were going off (nice to see Daleks exterminating again!) the crappy laser effects and the soldier actors made some aspects look laughable as well. 

Look I get it, ALL of these issues can be put down to budget, but Doctor Who can look like an expensive show. Remember the battle sequence in 'The Day Of The Doctor'? Even the last Dalek story, 'Asylum Of The Daleks' also looked pretty amazing visually. Effects and set-wise this episode dropped the ball. Some of it looked painfully bad, like Capaldi standing in front of the giant Dalek animatronic or the projected Dalek images behind Capaldi. It's extremely difficult to take Doctor Who seriously as a modern TV show with dodgy effects like these, I hope this doesn't set the standard for the rest of the season. This jankiness does have a weird positive effect though, something about the crude set design harkened back to the charm of classic Who in a....good way? There was something very old school about 'Into The Dalek' and I'm not just talking about an older Doctor. Even the score by Murray Gold (who is still knocking it out of the park) felt like a tribute to past Dalek stories. 

YAY! PEOPLE ARE DYING IN DOCTOR WHO AGAIN!

Presentation aside, I still have a few issues with the script. Danny Pink is a new recurring character this series and his introduction here came off as being extremely awkward and forced. What was up with that scene with the secretary, am I missing something? And that random kid in class who made him cry? They were both very cliché scenes that didn't really have anything to do with the episode. I would have left the backstory bits for later and just included the conversation with him and Clara, which felt awkward for the right reasons. We'll just have to wait and see where they go with him in future episodes...

The supporting characters for this episode were also pretty flat. From what I've seen of Michael Smiley (Reverend Green in 'The World's End') he seems like a good actor, so why did they waste him in a generic colonel role? You can only appear on DW once, don't waste it. Zawe Ashton's character Journey Blue didn't do anything for me either, her bid to travel with the Doctor at the end kinda came out of nowhere. The other two redshirts were exactly that, redshirts. They barely had any lines or characterisation beyond the stereotypical sacrifice archetype. 

Another teething issue is that quite a few of the story beats echo 2005's 'Dalek': It features a lone damaged Dalek who turns good and the Doctor's hatred for the Daleks gets the better of him. Even the 'YOU WOULD MAKE A GOOD DALEK' line gets repeated, and perhaps not as good as the first time around. The episodes are similar enough that they probably contributed to a strong sense of deja vu I got from this episode. 

While I like what the story achieved (there's probably going to be a rebel faction of Daleks hovering around now) everything else in the episode was extremely underwhelming. It's not for lack of trying, but like 'The Bells Of Saint John' it's another one of those episodes that left me cold the whole way through. 

Positives:

+ Some great scenes with Capaldi
+ Clara continues to develop
+ Interesting premise
+ Lot's of witty dialogue
+ Some good shots of Dalek's blowing up stuff
+ The 12th Doctor is an A-hole

Negatives:

- Set's aren't very convincing
- Poor special effects, most likely due to budget
- Supporting characters are lame stereotypes
- A LOT of repeated idea's
- Really forced scenes with Danny Pink
- Feels like this episode was let down in execution

Overall score: 5/10

Doctor Who: Deep Breath

Here we go again, Peter Capaldi as the 12th Doctor. 

As a re-introduction to Doctor Who 'Deep Breath' does exactly what it says on the tin: it feels like a breath of fresh air. I loved (well okay, mostly loved) Matt Smith's go as the bumbling Timelord but one aspect of the show that has felt sorely missing from previous years is a nice dark edge. Yes Doctor Who is first and foremost a family show but arguably the best episodes are the ones that really dig deep into the Doctor's psyche, and 'Deep Breath' definitely dabbles with this idea. It's not all great though, for once I can say that this episode could have been cut-down a bit.

As far as the plot goes, there's not a lot here. Which is surprising, because Moffat is known for writing stories where a gazillion different things are going on at once: It's Victorian London and those creepy human-organ obsessed clockwork droids from 'The Girl In The Fireplace' are back and it's up to the newly regenerated Doctor to stop them. Also the Paternoster gang are back to help Clara overcome her alienation with the new Doctor, and for some reason there's a rather poor CGI T-Rex in front of Big Ben. For such a lengthy episode there's a lot of padding, twenty minutes could easily be cut-out of the first half an hour and you wouldn't have noticed. The opening act is really slow, it's mainly a showcase for the crazy goings on at the Paternoster house. I do like Vastra, Strax and Jenny, they're entertaining caricatures but they don't seem to really serve a purpose here other than to share a few wacky scenes with Clara. They've been in quite a few episodes now and they haven't changed at all, the joke where Strax keeps confusing Clara with a boy is funny but it's starting to get stale now. AND YES WE GET IT, THEY'RE A LESBIAN COUPLE! Can we please develop their characters a bit more next time? I fail to see how the Dinosaur contributed anything of note to the episode. It was a nice visual sure (even if the CGI wasn't the best) but did we really have to waste 20 minutes on it? 

The new Doctor is not a fan of his face.

A large chunk of this bloated 75 minute running time is dedicated to dealing with an older, more hostile Doctor. Clara is essentially a surrogate for the audience here, being told off by Vastra for wanting the younger Doctor back in a very meta scene that's definitely aimed at the swaths of fangirls. Even the Doctor himself is confused by his current appearance in a great scene with a street hobo played by Elizabeth Sladen's widowed husband: 'Who frowned me this face?' It's another meta reference poking fun at Capaldi having already been present in the Who universe twice now: 2009's 'The Fires Of Pompei' and Torchwood's 'Children Of Earth'. What's intriguing about this scene is that it really points a finger to his familiar face, which makes me think that a future plot point could be based around where the Doctor gets these faces from when he regenerates. Mirrors also seem to be a recurring theme in the episode, especially when Capaldi is looking at his reflection on the silver plate later on. It's a small moment, but his quick expression of dread makes me wonder where this theme is going.

All this meta narrative about getting us to trust this new Doctor feels a tad misplaced when you look at it, as Capaldi is already marvellous in the role and a million miles away from Matt Smith. His trademark 'attack eyebrows' and evil stares are used to great effect in the second half, he's a Doctor you wouldn't want to meet in a dark alley. When he abandons Clara there is a niggle of doubt in your mind as to whether or not he was genuinely leaving her and I like that. And as for his confrontation with The Half Faced Man? Judging from the glare he gave the camera afterwards, I suspect he really did push him. Lord knows what the child audience thinks of him but so far he's Doctor you're not sure you can trust, echoing the grumpier 1st and 6th Doctors. Steven Moffat seemed so terrified of our reaction to this darker Doctor he wrote in a potentially tear-jerking scene (I was close) of the past Doctor reassuring Clara/us that the new guy is also terrified of his new persona and to basically have faith in him! All I can say is that it's deliciously refreshing, and I can't wait to see what Capaldi will bring to the role in the future.

MATT'S BACK! *CRIES*

Accompanying the darker Doctor is a return to form when it comes to creepy Doctor Who baddies. The clockwork droids were terrifying in 'The Girl And The Fireplace' and they're terrifying here thanks in large part to Peter Ferdinando as The Half Faced Man. He's quite chilling, particularly in my favourite scene of the episode where Clara talks her way out of being murdered. Everything, from the close-up shots of his freaky eyeball to the badass performance from Jenna Coleman makes it feel incredibly tense, which isn't something Doctor Who has done in a while. I'm hoping we're sticking to the more menacing aspect of Who villains as I feel we've been short-changed recently.

New Doctor aside, I was interested to see what they were going to do with Clara. Throughout Series 7 she was one big enigma so now that her 'Impossible Girl' mystery has been resolved where else do we have to go with that character? The biggest shock of the episode wasn't Capaldi's performance (we knew he'd be great), it was how amazing Clara has suddenly become. From the restaurant scene onwards Jenna Coleman was nothing short of superb in my eyes: whether it was her fantastic argument with Capaldi in the restaurant, the chilling confrontation with the Half Faced Man ('5ft 10 and crying, you didn't stand a chance!') or the 11th Doctor's sudden phone call at the end Coleman showed she had some serious acting chops and portrayed a variety of emotions really well. Her looks of sheer terror when being confronted of the clockwork droids did more than any monster design ever could and it's a great reminder as to why companions are essential to DW. Series 7 Clara worked well enough with Matt's Doctor but they've clearly made an effort to make her a three dimensional character this time around and it's paid off in spades. If this continues Clara could become one of my favourite companions, she was that good.

Eat your heart out Rose.

Now that Capaldi has been properly introduced and the seeds of the next arc put into place (heaven eh? Interesting...) we can finally sit back and enjoy the next 11 weeks after a relatively long wait. Yep you heard that right, no more split seasons or specials, just one long uninterrupted run. I am a bit concerned that aside from the finale there will be NO two-parters again but who knows? Based on Capaldi's performance in 'Deep Breath' we could be in for a treat and thank's to a certain script leak I know we've got some good episodes coming up. 

Positives:

+ Peter Capaldi, duh
+ Jenna Coleman, duh
+ A return to the creepier/darker side of Doctor Who
+ The Half Faced Man
+/- The Paternoster Gang
+ Lot's of great moments, the restaurant scene in particular
+ Matt's tear-jerking phone call
+ A seemingly darker Doctor 

Negatives:

- The first half an hour was a bit slow and could have easily been cut-down
- WTF was up with that Dinosaur?
- Not a lot going on with Jenny, Vastra and Strax

Overall score: 8,5/10

P.S I'm also loving the new theme tune!

Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes

'Dawn Of The Planet Of The Apes' is an incredibly intense film compared to it's predecessor and has quite a few scenes that will stick in your head for days after seeing it. It's a grim tale about human nature set ten years after 'Rise', where *SPOILERS* the simian flu has wiped out most of humankind and the apes have been peacefully living in the woods outside San Francisco. They've managed to form a very ewok-y community with Caesar reigning high as the alpha. Everything seems to be going swell for the apes but of course those pesky humans show up (a group of homo-sapiens immune to the virus) and before you know it both races are fighting to the death for the survival of their species. It's not the most complicated plot ever but the film shines due to the intense power of it's performances and visuals. 

'Dawn' is a really bleak picture of human nature, the idea that as a species hominids are destined to wage war with one another. This message is constantly rammed home in the last half, reinforced by how quickly the apes adapt to using human weapons against their own kind and the humans, despite being portrayed as a mostly peaceful race in beginning. The battle scenes are brutal, with both sides being horribly realistic in how they enact vengeance. I described 'Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes' as being very anti-summer blockbuster, and this trend continues in 'Dawn'. Yes, you will find plenty of thrilling action set-pieces and pretty explosions here but all of it is coated in a thick anti-war message. These scenes are further amplified by Michael Giacchino who has composed an amazing soundtrack gave me an old school Hollywood feeling.  

The tragedy of 'Dawn' is that you can genuinely see humans and apes co-existing together peacefully, as both sides seem reasonable in their actions. The two main characters Caeser and Malcolm are level headed people that see a future for both species, but despite all their efforts war still breaks out. Even the so-called 'bad guys' feel justified from their point of view, whether due to traumatic past experiences or preservation of their species.

I really like how humankind are portrayed in 'Dawn'. A lesser film *COUGH*Avatar*COUGH* would paint the humans as hot tempered war warmongering lunatics wanting to burn everything tinged green to the ground. This isn't the case in 'Dawn'. Here every single character in the film, apes and humans, strive to do what they think is the right thing. Sure Gary Oldman's Dreyfus sees the apes are as a threat to their community (these are hundreds of apes with spears just outside his back-door remember) but he gives Jason Clark's character Malcolm a week to settle things out and get the dam working before he starts rolling out the big guns. There's a fantastic scene with no dialogue where Dreyfus just looks at old family photos on his ipad and just starts weeping. 

Sure it looks silly now, but wait til' you see the finished version.

Most of the film relies on the visual storytelling of the special effects and actors in order to sell a scene. It helps then that the motion capture and SFX work on the apes is even more stunning this time around. For the first five minutes you'll be wondering 'WOW, this is CGI?' as the amount of detail on display is incredible. Seen as the apes are in 85% of the movie and there can be over a hundred apes in one shot I wonder how they could fit all these effects on a relatively modest (by Hollywood blockbuster standards) 170 million dollar budget because holy sh*t these apes look out-of-this-world amazing. 'Rise' was a concentrated affair with a laser sight focused mostly on Caeser's journey but here a lot of the apes are given supporting roles and have genuine personalities. Toby Kebbell as Caesers second-in-command Koba is the breakout star of the film, it's a frighteningly realistic performance and he is sh*t your pants scary at points. Nick Hurstan's Bright Eyes and Karin Konoval's Maurice also really good at capturing intense emotion through speechless characters. It's light-years away from the rubbery masks of the Charlton Heston era, you will sympathise with these apes and be f*cking terrified by them. The apes easily hold their own against the equally amazing human performers, talk about an amazing cast! The other FX heavy elements are of course the action scenes which are brilliantly executed and superbly tense, with one scene in particular (360 degree camera pan strapped to a tank in the midst of burning chaos) making my jaw drop with the sheer feels assaulting my senses from all sides. The final stand-off is also immensely satisfying and climactic. Again, be prepared for some brutal images of ape-on-human and ape-on-ape carnage. 

Overall props has to be given to director Matt Reeves ('Cloverfield', 'Let Me In') who took over the reigns from Rupert Wyatt who did the first movie and was also going to do the second before he dropped out. He has crafted a near masterpiece of drama cinema with 'Dawn' and it's all thanks to his impeccable directing and genuine care put into every aspect of the production. For me personally it tops 'Rise' which was also a really good, no great, film. The new 'Apes' franchise is shaping up to be one of the all time greats, let's hope the inevitable third movie doesn't drop the ball massively. And if that ending is anything to go by it's going to be an explosive (and heartbreaking) one... 

Positives:

+ Fantastic direction, visuals and performances
+ Thrilling action sequences, intense chaos
+ Amazing SFX, motion capture on apes
+ Better than the previous film
+ Deliciously bleak message
+ Apes on horses dual wielding AK-47's!
+ Koba, Caeser
+ Great score
+ Satisfying final battle

Negatives:

- One really dumb human who was a bit cliche 
- Cliffhanger ending?
- ????

Overall score: 9,5/10

My reaction if the third movie disappoints...

The Do's And Don'ts Of Teaching

Teaching is an extremely important part of education. A good teacher, someone who truly cares about his/her job can have a massive effect on their students: they can make a student become significantly more interested in the subject at hand (potentially developing a thirst for learning or acquiring knowledge) and can also improve grades. In an ideal world this would be common place but this is quite often not the case. I've got to know several dozen teachers over the course of my education in France, and while I have yet to encounter a teacher who completely fails at their job some of them could improve in a few places. Seen as I also envisage being a teacher in a few years time I thought it would be a good idea to write down a list of pet peeves I've had with certain teachers. You know, so as to not repeat these mistakes whenever I get the job. I mean who know's, I could forget something...  

1) Be subjective with explanations, honest.

I love a teacher that isn't afraid to inject some of their own personalty into proceedings, it makes them feel more human (a rarity with teachers these days) and makes you like the subject they're teaching. Teacher's are trained to talk about their subject of course, and small talk isn't really something they have time for in the classroom. Injecting humour or some of your own opinions every now and then into proceedings are vital to getting the class on your side though. History in particular is a minefield for funny comments, for example you could make a joke about the ridiculously silly hats the French wore in the Renaissance era or the ridiculous number or Louis's over the years...History in general is one great bloodbath of dark humour just waiting to be explored. The important thing to remember here future me is to be yourself and not some emotionless robot that spouts cold facts for an hour. If you're passionate about your subject, we'll be passionate about it as well. 

2) If we like a teacher, we'll work harder

*RULE 101 OF HUMAN NATURE*: If you're nice to us, we'll try be nice to you back. You know that teacher that always smiles to you when you enter the classroom? You wouldn't want to disappoint him/her would you? Of course not, likeability is a great boon to those worthy enough to obtain it, and statistically speaking (as far as I'm concerned) it works. We have a habit of associating teacher's with their subjects, so nice/cool teacher = more passion/interest in the subject. Because the teacher associates a joke with a factoid about history you will most likely remember that fact more because you associate it with a funny joke made by the teacher. This means less revision time and you can concentrate more revision time on some of the less vital topics. But having said that...

2.5) But don't be too nice

I've known a few teachers who fall into this trap. It's a thin tightrope to walk but if you come off as too nice or forgiving the class will walk ALL over you to the point where you have no control over the lesson. Back in college I had a super nice German teacher who didn't have a strict bone in her body (she never raised her voice) and my class at the time were extremely disrespectful towards her: they openly talked to one another throughout the lessons, threw pretty much everything that wasn't bolted to the floor at each other and didn't give one sh*t about the language or the teacher. The class wasn't really like this in the other lessons, just in German. I guess you see the common denominator. Point being: if you have a weakness we will exploit it. They knew she would never punish them for anything they did. So what did the teacher do? 'If you don't listen you won't get good marks' she'd say, 'Those who listen will learn', or 'Don't you want to learn?' When appealing to their better nature didn't work (it never does), she threatened to talk to the headmistress. That means she was so incapable of handling the situation she had to resort to getting another adult to fix it for her. That's a tad pathetic, a good teacher should always keep their class under control and should toughen up in these circumstances. Now, you don't have to be Miss Battle-Axe all the time, but you need to have at least some form of authority over the class or it doesn't work in extreme cases like this. 

3) Don't go on autopilot

I've experienced a few teacher's doing this. They don't seem to care whether we listen or not, they just go into some sort of zombie bubble and act out the lesson like the class isn't there. Class participation is almost none-existent and you get the feeling that they're all secretly an automaton with settings on autopilot mode. These are teacher's who probably have stressful lives or are bored with their occupation and just want to get the lesson over and done with. Or maybe they just can't cope with the early 8am start? Either way it isn't exactly the best way to engage your students, as in these type of lessons all we have to do is write down a few key words in our books for later and go to sleep. Sure our eyes might be open but when the teacher clearly doesn't give a f*ck then you struggle with having one. Bear in mind these teacher's do their job adequately well, as long as you revise you should get a decent mark, but other than the marks there is very little motivation on either side. 

4) Keep things running, have lot's of class interaction

Protip future me: it's good to pace your lessons and make everything run along smoothly like a well oiled machine. Some of my teachers spend half an hour waiting for the class to finish an exercise that we had completed in the first ten minutes. That's a lot of dead time and you start to fall asleep (especially if it's late in the day), so try to reduce that. You can get a lot of things done in that 55 minute time frame. To keep us wide awake is to increase the level of interaction and randomly pick one of us to answer a question. You can be damn sure we'll stay awake then, just in case we'll be caught out by the eagle-eyed teacher and make a mockery of ourselves trying to answer a basic question because we weren't paying attention. Ideally you should try to have everyone in the class participate at least once every lesson, that way everyone will be alert and on their game, enabling more efficiency.

Pictured: the ideal classroom. Not pictured: REALITY.

5) BE ORGANISED

Is it really so hard to get your sh*t together beforehand? Teachers are supposed to plan lessons out and have some sort of structure right? My current German teacher walks into class like she's all of a sudden inherited a severe case of amnesia and we are the ones doing the explaining to her about what happened last time because lord knows she doesn't know! Lessons feel haphazardly put together, and she ALWAYS forgets our names. IN EVERY. SINGLE. LESSON. I've lost count the amount of times I've been called Tom! This isn't a good start and it demonstrates a lack of professionalism. I mean sure these sort of things can happen but EVERY. SINGLE. TIME?! *SIGH* Just make sure you know what you're doing, okay? Keep tabs on your schedule, plan your lessons out beforehand. GET ALL THAT CRAP IN LINE.

6) Rushing lessons to meet deadlines is not a good thing

Due to the frequent holidays, days off and the usual winter sickness in France it's not uncommon for teachers to have numerous set backs during the year, to the point where it's impossible to cover the entire programme in the designated time frame. This often leads to teachers rushing trying to meet the deadline, which is bad for subjects like Maths and Science, for example. These lessons require a certain amount of time for a few of the more mind-boggling notions to sink in. Trying to cram everything and the kitchen into one lesson is not the best tactic, even if it is understandable. I'd say cut your losses and just try to do the best with what you've been given, it's better to cover a few things well than covering everything with diminishing returns. 

7) Make sure we know what to expect from a test

A lot of teachers do this: they say we'll have a test next week but be incredibly vague about just what this test will contain, or the day it'll take place. 'It might be a bit of this...' they'll say, 'maybe a bit from that last chapter we did...' MIGHT is the big word here, as they haven't actually wrote the test yet and are being purposefully vague so as to not trap themselves in a corner. Look, can you at least give us SOME direction as to where to start revising? It's annoying to spend half the time revising for something that's not going to be in the test. I mean could you at least give us a hint as to what the subject is about?   

8) Embrace technology

Back in June we watched an old German VHS on a T.V monitor that was practically black and white with the worst static droning imaginable. I'm not asking for ipad's to be handed out or anything, but can we at least get out of the stone age when it comes to teachers presenting media at schools? Why couldn't the teacher have just shown us a video on Youtube anyway? Apparently our Teacher has never heard of Youtube before, or Facebook. HOW CAN SOMEONE BE ALIVE IN 2014 AND NOT KNOW WHAT A 'YOUTUBE' IS? Quite a few of my older teacher's have been painfully inexperienced with technology, I mean basic things like switching on a computer and playing a DVD take ages for them to set-up. It could just be the computers, but watching a VHS? Get with the times oldie. 

ipad? WHAT IS THIS WITCHCRAFT?!

9) 'Why aren't you doing it my way?'

Okay this one really get's up my spine. It's nitpicky, but there are certain teachers out there who refuse to believe there is more than one way to do anything. It's little things like 'ALWAYS underline the titles in red' 'ONLY write in blue' or 'Make sure you write it EXACTLY like I worded it'. Back in College I had one teacher that insisted we had to get out a new sheet of paper for every new page of the test, rather than turning it over. Because heaven forbid he had to turn over the page! I also knew a guy in my class who somehow during Maths managed to get the same results but using a different formula than the one the teacher had outlined on the white board. The teacher insisted he rub everything out and start again using the formula he outlined. God help the poor sod who tries something different! Every student has different methods of writing down notes and planning exercises, so let them do their thing. Sure to you it may look like a labyrinth of intertwining words dotted around the page but to the student it's just the way he does things. Trust us to do the thing that's best for us basically.  

10) On a micro level make sure every pupil understands

Trying to teach a crowded class of thirty and making sure everyone understands is hard, our education system would greatly improve if we focused on smaller classes. I don't need to tell you this, but *SHRUGS* that's how it is. Smaller classes means the teacher can devote more time to each individual student, essential for lessons like Maths or Science that people often struggle with. My old Maths teacher used to go around the class scanning everyone's work and when she saw one of us had got an exercise wrong she stayed with that person until they understood. That's great because you're getting help on a semi-regular basis and you don't even have to put your hand up. You want to know the main reason why we don't put our hands up when we need help? Nobody else is doing it so we're CLEARLY the only one with difficulty understanding something. You wouldn't want to look like a idiot in front of the class do you? Of course the reality is that EVERBODY is struggling to get to grips with a new maths formula, but none of them want to put their hand up and look stupid in front of the class so they keep quiet. Being thorough with your students is always welcome then. Yes there's no way in hell you can devote enough time in a lesson to everyone, so there will have to be a lot strategic planning on that front. You would need to a) identify the kids most in need, and sort them out from the whiz-kids, b) allocate spare time in the lesson to help these kids, c) concentrate on a few at a time and d) make sure you keep the lesson moving during all of this. It's going to be tough, but you'll just have to be logistical about it.

Counting down...

11) Give us a full week to prepare for tests

Make sure you warn your students ahead of time when the next test will be, ideally a week in advance. Knowing a week beforehand will give us time to prepare and ensure a level of quality when it comes to revision. I know some teachers who leave it to the last possible second, which always means you're rushing to meet a deadline. Most of my revision for this year has been done on 'free hours', hours in the day where we have no scheduled lessons and can basically do whatever the hell we want. Seen as they come after the 1h15m lunch break on Monday, Tuesday and Friday there's a good 2h in the middle of those three days to focus on studying. I know the moment I get home after school I'm not going to be in the mood to revise for anything so practically all my homework is being done inside these three hour breaks. Announcing a test the week beforehand could potentially give me around 6h to revise then, time to become one with the subject matter if you will. Thankfully late in the week test's aren't often the case but it's still something to remember if you want to ensure your class gets a good grade (assuming everyone if your class will use the extra time to revise more...).  

12) Have consideration for our workload on other subjects.

This one is linked to announcing test's in advance, it's mainly to do with workload. I know it's difficult to comprehend, but we have A LOT of other subjects, not just your one. And LOTS of other subjects means LOTS more homework, tests and just general busywork outside of school hours. So when several teachers seemingly conspire against us and put several tests on the same day that can be....kind of stressful for us. Not to mention difficult, as revising for three tests at a time is bound to result in problems during the exam. I for example can only keep one test in my head at any one time for fear that my brain will explode in pink mush. Teacher's don't do this on purpose of course, they simply don't look at our test schedule and act as if their lesson is the only one that exists. Giving us a pile of homework everyday isn't funny when you have several other piles lining up behind you, it can get irritating. Consider our workload, please.

13) Mix things up

Doing the same old thing day in day out can get tiresome for some people, so why not shake things up a bit? Granted your options are limited in the classroom but instead of doing a page of grammar exercises everyday how about showing us a few videos or make us play an educational interactive game on the computer? If the goal is to make the class learn English how about showing a film they'll like with subtitles on? Because let's be honest here: we'll only ever learn something if we want to learn it, whether that's to get good marks for a test i.e out of necessity or because we like whatever it is we're learning. I can name every episode of 'Doctor Who' because I love the show and I didn't have to study hard to learn them off by heart, they just come to me naturally. Students liking the lesson is paramount to getting them to liking the subject, and if you can do that then half the work's done. It's like the secret sauce of teaching.

14) Don't spam exercises

I had this French teacher once who for two hours every week just gave us a truckload of exercises to complete during the two hour, back-to-back lesson. While she was busy doing stuff on the computer we had to fill in ad nauseum the same copy/paste questions again AND again AND again. They weren't even imaginative, some exercises where clearly the same as before just with the words changed! It was pure paperwork to pass the time, plain and simple. Any teacher who just spam's the exercise button constantly deserves their spot in hell...in my humble opinion.

Putting spam in the trash, if only it were this simple.

15) Explain to us WHY it's important we know this stuff

Lesson's can lack context at times. For example why did I spend four hours in Lycee learning about how frogs reproduce in severe detail? What is the point of all this? Telling us the reason for why we are stuck in a classroom to endure five hours of French every week could do wonders for our outside-starved minds. Or better yet, tell us why we should be interested in what you're teaching. Just give everything a purpose rather than having it seem like mindless filler to fill up a school week. PS: it being 'part of the program' doesn't work as a feasible excuse. 

16) Don't assume we know everything, we don't.

Every time I come back from the Summer holidays I can't remember a bloody thing about what went on before it. Vague memories perhaps, but most of the notion I had spent hours revising for were completely absent from my long term memory. Teachers tend to file the past year under 'been there, done that' though and presume you have retained everything about the previous year. Well here's the memo: WE DON'T. Long, protracted holidays are the equivalent of mind-bleaching your brain and we'll ideally need a few weeks of catching-up before we start new territory. In Maths this can be a pain, as all of the new is at least partly based on the old. Treat the first few weeks as a crash course then on the previous year, it should come back to us after a while. Just make sure you don't skip over something vital because you're under the assumption we retained that knowledge from the previous school year. BECAUSE WE DON'T.  

This is us after the Summer holidays.

17) Don't be late for exams!

So let's say I have an exam that lasts one hour...except it doesn't. The teacher's are about eight minutes late (probably coming from another lesson, needed to finish their lunch...), and once everyone has settled down and got the necessary materiel out of their bags we're down another six minutes. Suddenly an exam that at a fairly quick pace is finish-able in an hour now has to be done in 46 minutes! Do you know how frustrating that is? Those fifteen minutes are crucial in a test, and could literally be the difference between life and death. You have little time to think about the questions at hand, and generally have to rush just to finish the test. So as a last piece of advice to future me, I'd say to always try to be early to a test AND plan your tests in a way that would take into account the necessary delay of about ten minutes give or take. 

So will the 'future' me take into account everything I've put on this list? I sure hope he does, but if not then I want a f*cking explanation as to why he committed one of these cardinal sins of teaching! 

The Wolf Among Us: My Thoughts

Back in 2012 I reviewed season one of Telltale's 'The Walking Dead'. Here's what I had to say:

'The Walking Dead', while not necessarily the first or last game to do this, proves once more that video-games, if given more attention in their script department, can meet or even exceed some of your best entertainment experiences. The fact that it is the first game to focus solely on the story and not rely on any tangible gameplay mechanics like shooting to increase the experience further puts it in the spotlight. Oh, and guess what? Having played all five episodes over an eight month period I can now say that it succeeds in doing what it set out to do: It's a story driven adventure game that tailors it's experience to the choices you make. No more, no less. But the fact that it's really, really f*cking good at investing you into the story and the characters makes 'The Walking Dead' one of the best games this year.

And guess what? They've done it again with 'The Wolf Among Us'! Once again Telltale has earned their status as master storytellers when it comes to interactive entertainment. 'The Wolf Among Us' is an entirely different beast to 'The Walking Dead' (pun intended), so if emotionally driven apocalypse stories aren't really your cup of tea then check this out.  

Based on the on-going series of graphic novels 'Fables' by Bill Willingham 'The Wolf Among Us' is a prequel set in 1980's New York. It's essentially a noir detective thriller with an ingenious hook: everyone is a fairytale character. Exiled from their homelands the various fairytales of old have formed a community called Fabletown and hide in plain sight. You play as Sheriff Bigby Wolf, the Big Bad Wolf of old who tried to eat Little Red Riding Hood and the Three Little Pigs. He's desperately trying to put his past behind him but as expected a horrible crime is committed and it's up to him to solve the case. Depending on your actions throughout the series you can decide the fate's of several characters and choose to either be a lawful human being or let the wolf inside of him come out and play. To say more is a spoiler I'm afraid, but let's just say that across the five episodes NOTHING is as it seems and there are quite a few crooked forks in the road *HINT* *HINT*.

"Yeah....this happen's a lot."

Aside from Bigby you'll encounter a whole host of interesting and complex characters, all of them painted with a very thick coat of grey. Snow White is a shining glimmer of hope, she desperately wants to fix the grimy underbelly and flawed bureaucracy of Fabletown but often let's her emotions get the better of her. Colin is one of the Three Little Pig's, he likes to hang around Bigby's apartment smoking cigarettes, he's a bit of a party animal. The Woodsman is a depressed alcoholic who admits he only saved Red Riding Hood because he was hoping to rob her grandma's place. Toad (from Wind In The Willows) is a broke trickster who despite everything seem's to want what's best for his son TJ. The Little Mermaid is a stripper with a troubled past who desperately wants to tell you something. No matter what the character, Telltale does a fantastic job of making them incredibly compelling and putting a twist on their stories. The voice acting is once again flawless for all of them, I mean jesus they all do an excellent job. Snow White in particular is a highlight, she's an incredibly strong female protagonist and like Clementine from 'The Walking Dead' your actions will be influenced by her presence. As a player I found myself constantly feigning for her affection and often caught myself thinking 'What would Snow do?' when she wasn't present. So yes, add Snow White to the ever growing pile of strong female character's in video games, it's getting larger every year.

A lot of the charm in 'The Wolf Among Us' comes from it's exquisite art style, once again going for a hand drawn, cell shaded 'comic book' look. It's a beautiful game, and unlike the WD's bleak colour palette Telltale embraces the colours this time around. It got me the second the game sent me to Bigby's apartment, the neon tinged glow emanating from the windows mixed with the chimes of the soundtrack cast such an incredible noir atmosphere that persists throughout. There's a lot more detail this time around too, if the WD was more of a sketchbook-y style then 'The Wolf Among Us' is drenched in ink, it really enables the designs to pop. The character designs are all great, and the cartoony visuals help with the fairly simple but effective facial expressions. Put it this way, if Snow is angry towards you you're going to notice. 

Snow White's worried face worries me :-o

As far as gameplay is concerned this is largely a repeat of 'The Walking Dead'. It has two mechanics: 1) the dialogue trees, which presents you with four possible choices and 2) the quick time events which come into play during action scenes. Normally this wouldn't fly in other games, but seen as Telltale's games are 100% story driven the simple act of pressing Y to punch an annoying guy in the face feels immensly satisfying, especially during the fight scenes. They're extremely well choreographed and are viscerally thrilling, even if a three year old blindfolded could beat them. The action is a welcome change of pace though, 80% of the game is a conversation simulator and the dialogue trees are really good at presenting you the option you want. If I wanted to be kind to someone, I could be. If I wanted to I could also choose to be sarcastic, angry or just remain silent (this option in particular is useful during arguments). The storytelling is malleable and you tailor the story to how you want the conversation to go down. The choices you make will have an impact, although some have larger effects than others. Be nice to someone and they will back you up down the road, but if you're given the chance to only choose one out of three locations then you'll miss out on whole scenes. Think of it as a colouring book that you can paint in whatever colour you want. Either way the game does a good job of not punishing you, with one notable exception during Episode 1. Look, all I'm saying is....go to see Toad last. You'll thank me for it. 

The game isn't perfect unfortunately. Like other Telltale games on the 360 there is quite a lot of stuttering at the start of a new scene. After episode 2 I found them to become less frequent though. The load times are also a bit of an issue, they're quite long and break up the rhythm of the story. Hopefully this will disappear when they start to publish their games on the PS4/Xbox One but the technical limitations are for the time being quite grating. Other than that there were a few instances of audio clipping in episode 1 and the lip syncing could be better. Telltale games are very much a diamond in the rough, they could all use a bit more polishing.

Guess it's time for some baseball practice...

So that's my opinions for it overall, but how did the individual episodes go? 

Episode 1: 'Faith' kick's thing's off running with a fantastic opening scene. To be honest it rarely stops there, it's probably the best paced episode of the season. It's just the right amount of character interaction, investigating and action with two brawls and one chase scene. It also benefit's from a wickedly evil twist cliffhanger which chills your blood. 9,5/10

Episode 2: Smoke and Mirror's is in many ways the weakest episode of the season, which is disheartening considering first time players like me had to wait four months in-between episodes 1 & 2 to play this. It has a great beginning though, thanks to a few more 'WTF?' moments. From then on the episode slow's to a methodical crawl, and very little is revealed compared to what we already know. It also lacks a good fight scene, with the one featured being more of a scuffle than a full-on brawl. If you play the episodes in succession to one another I expect you'll like this one a lot more, it's just a shame I had to wait so long for this one. 7/10

Episode 3: A Crooked Mile shakes things up considerably. After the reveal at the end of Ep 2 Bigby is on the hunt for the lead suspect and has to find his whereabouts before it's too late. And once you do....oooh boy do things get interesting. The ending to Ep 3 derails all your previous assumptions and considerably up's the scale. It's great and moves along fast given it's swift 1h30 run time. 8/10

Episode 4: In Sheep's Clothing is a lot of build-up for the finale. It's like a powder keg just before it explodes, you know sh*t is going to hit the fan soon but you have to straighten some things out first. From start to finish it's a gripping experience and despite it's brief hour run time it's even more compelling as you uncover just who is behind all this mess. Expect another great fight scene, a few goodbyes and a nail-bitingly good cliffhanger. 9/10

Episode 5: Cry Wolf is pure genius. Easily my favourite episode (which is always good for a finale) it's amazing from start to finish. The first half is mostly epic action, but a lot is resolved and tied up along the way. The mysteries set in motion from Episode 1 will be answered here. The last fight scene is just outstanding, and reminds me a lot of a certain scene in 'The Matrix: Reloaded'. After fulfilling our desires to beat the living hell out of all the bad guy's the episode takes a more unconventional approach by basically showing the aftermath of your decisions during a trial scene that could go two very different ways. It's delicious seeing your every action being observed under a microscope by everyone you've met in Fabletown and then having to defend them. Depending on how you play your cards it could end on a high or low note, so be careful not to make any rash decisions no matter how tempting some of the options will seem. Either way it will feel satisfying and meaningful as an ending to the story. The last twenty minutes or so is a rather neat epilogue which employs circular storytelling to great effect (one of my favourite storytelling devices). There is a lot of finality here, so much so that I'm wondering if Telltale is going to do a second season. And those last thirty seconds......DAMN YOU TELLTALE!!!!!!! What a perfect finale to this tale. 10/10

Pro's:

+ Gripping narrative
+ Fantastic art style/visuals
+ Excellent voice cast
+ A few thrilling action set-pieces
+ Lot's of intrigue, mystery
+ Great dialogue options/choices
+ Play's like an interactive T.V show

Con's:

- Episodes 1 & 2 are VERY stuttery on my Xbox
- Long load times
- Audio clipping 
- Some bad cases of lip-syncing 
- Combat system could be more involved

Overall score: 9,5/10

A good analogy for playing a Telltale game is this: you're the co-writer/director for a T.V show, a really good one, but you don't know how the story or the character you're portraying ends. You can decide what character you want to convey, choose what set to visit and how to choreograph a fight scene. In short you get to craft your perfect version of that T.V show. I mean have you ever watched a T.V show and thought to yourself "Hey, I wish the protagonist would say that...." well in a Telltale game you can as long as it makes narrative sense. If you like the idea of this, then for heaven's sakes go buy 'The Walking Dead' and 'The Wolf Among Us' NOW. They're both amazing and unlike any form of storytelling you've experienced. I know I'm coming off as a Telltale salesperson but they're really THAT good and I can't wait to see what they do next... 

*LOOKS AT ONE OF TELLTALES NEXT PROJECTS*  

Wait what? They're doing a 'Game Of Thrones' game?!!! OH. MY. GOD.