Game Of Thrones: The Gift

It's seems like the endgame of season 5 really kicked off this week with 'The Gift'. A lot happened in this extended hour long episode as several storylines were fast-tracked to get them exactly where they needed them to be for the final episodes. 

- Unfortunately my fears from last week were mostly true, Sansa is once again back to square zero when it comes to developing her character in any way other than an innocent girl who's a punching bag for the show's worst villains. Guys we've had five seasons of this, give her something to do! At least she showed some form of initiative in 'The Gift', even if it blew up in her face. Sending Theon to light the candle (presumably so Brienne can go save her) was a smart move....but she didn't count on him immediately going to Ramsay and telling him everything. Speaking of characters with no development, Theon once again proves he's Ramsay's lapdog and seemingly nothing can break him from his spell. Oh well, at least you tried Sansa. I'm still holding out hope that both of them will be stabbing Ramsay in the back by the end of the season, they're signposting this all over the place (notice Sansa stealing that corkscrew? Sneaky) but considering this is Game Of Thrones we're talking about watching the opposite is just as likely to be true.

- I've said before that the show should be hesitant to kill off Ramsay because he's one of the only major villains left, but I'm starting to feel like his character has been played out. Like Joffrey you can only watch one person being unbelievably cruel towards another person for so long before it starts to get old, you inevitably have to cash-in on those karma checks and give him a delicious comeuppance. Joffrey had his, now I think it's Ramsay's turn on the chopping block.  

- Stannis had a short but important scene this week, maybe the Battle of Winterfell isn't as one-sided as I once thought. The snow blizzard in this episode seems to have evened the ground a bit as Stannis' forces are either leaving or dying out in the cold. This prompts crazy Mel to propose sacrificing his daughter Shireen to guarantee victory. Thankfully Stannis refuses but I have a feeling this will happen anyway....not to point fingers but I predict his wife is totally going to go nuts and kill poor Shireen. Whatever happens there's no chance in hell Stannis is going to go through with this. Right? RIGHT??

'You think marrying Joffrey was bad? You ain't seen nothing yet'

- At this point I'm starting to think that the showrunners are deliberately shortchanging Jaime's plot this season to make time for everything else. Barely anything has happened there and this week all we got from Dorne was a brief conversation between Jaime and Mrycella that was over before it began (it literally lasted one minute!) and a scene with Bronn and the Sandsnakes. What was the point of Bronn being poisoned if he was IMMEDIATELY cured in the same scene? Why boobs of course. At least the Sandsnakes were in a scene that characterized them more than 'the whip one' or 'the spear one', now we have 'the one with the nice boobs'. Just....*SIGH*. I will admit that Bronn's singing was fabulous though, more of that please. EDIT: the last time we saw Bronn singing was in season two's 'Blackwater', which funnily enough also had boobs in it. So Bronn + singing = boobs? Makes sense. 

- Ultimately the reason why Dorne has been so lackluster is that we're missing big, chunky scenes of character interaction. The Jaime/Bronn stuff was so fun in the beginning but with only a few minutes here and there we're not getting any meat to chew on and nothing interesting is happening over there. A Jaime/Doran scene could fix this though, I'd imagine they would have a lot to say. Also the 'You don't know me!' line from Mrycella? Ouch Jaime, you got some catching up to do. 

- Of course, the moment Jon leaves to go to Hardhome sh*t hits the fan as Maester Aemon passes away and Gilly almost gets raped by a pair of Nightwatchmen. It was sad to see Aemon go, he's always been the wise man of the show and a father figure to Jon. 'Egg, I dreamt I was old...' was pretty heartbreaking I must say. A real shame, actor Peter Vaughn was a class act. His death served to further sow dissent among the men of the Night's Watch, verified by Gilly's unfortunate encounter. Sam the Slayer tried his best, bless him, but luckily Ghost was on hand (where the f*ck did he come from? And where has he been?) to stop yet another rape scene. This leads to Sam losing his virginity to Gilly, which considering he just tried to save her from being raped is a bit....unsensitive. I know Gilly was the willing participant here but they could have waited a bit! I'm all for Sam and Gilly getting it on together but it was a bit too soon. You don't save a girl from rape and then get sex as a reward, that's just plain f*cked up. 

'Weren't you in a box a few days ago? This has been a very eventful week.'

- Olenna seems to underestimate the church this season. On both counts it seems Jonathan Pryce has got the 'Queen of Thorns' on the defensive doing everything she can in order to get her grandchildren out of jail. Olenna is unable to deal with the situation because there's nothing the new High Septon wants. He can't be bargained with, he has no immediate weaknesses and he's not fake: he genuinely believes that the common folk deserve justice and that everyone should be judged in the eyes of god, and thanks to Cersei he's been given a position of power. Olenna's bullsh*t detector leads her astray simply because there's nothing to read, and that's an awesome power to have on this show. It's a bit unclear what the implications of her scene with Littlefinger was, were they the ones who brought Lancel to the High Septon's attention or was this always a card waiting to be placed upon the table? It seems Littlefinger and Olenna are working together on something anyway, it's always delightful seeing master players interact with one another. 

- Cersei finally got her comeuppance this week in quite possibly one of the most satisfying scenes in the entire series. The moment she left Margaery in her cell with that smug-ass grin you knew something was about to happen, things have been going far to well for her so far. This was reflected in her scene with Tommen who finally seems be growing a backbone of some sort (let's hope this doesn't turn him into Joffrey 2.0). Remember all of this is so she can coddle her son again, which strikes me as being incredibly petty. Her season long arc of mistakes finally came crashing down on her though, sure enough once the High Septon had had his say Lancel walked in and the Queen's mother was also tossed into a cell. THANK F*CKING GOD. With Cersei behind bars I wouldn't be surprised if Tommen (the product of her incest) was next. Maybe this is all a power play for the High Septon? Throw everyone in jail, take out the rich, assume control of the city, rip down the 'refinery' etc... we could be watching a big game player here! 

- Tyrion and Jorah's storyline got insanely fast tracked this week as they basically hit the fast-forward button and made the jump from them being slaves to meeting Dany in just two scenes. Wait, what did I just say? HOLY SH*T TYRION AND DANY JUST MET EACH OTHER!!!!!! < It should have felt like that at least, interestingly this entire segment felt rather anticlimactic. Dany and Tyrion meeting is a huge deal for watchers of the show but it ended up being done in a small training pit where Danearys just so happened to be in attendance. Couple that with a few lucky coincidences: Tyrion convincing the slaver to take him and that random dude cutting him free so he could run onto the fighting pit, it just reeked of the writers skipping plot points and staging coincidences to have them meet up before the end of the season. I like that they're not prolonging the inevitable but the way they did it felt oddly perfunctory and inconsequential, exasperated by the fact that they chose to end the episode on Cersei and not on this huge moment for the show. I'm not making that same mistake. 

So that's it for this week. While there hasn't been a standout episode so far this season I think it's safe to say 'The Gift' was a very good episode with a lot of good moments that outweighed any misgivings I had with the previous episode. Hopefully they can keep this streak up til' the end. GOT Ranking: 8,5/10. 

Game Of Thrones: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

'Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken' (the Martell family motto) is probably one of the worst Game Of Thrones episodes. That's mostly because of the high standard the series has set when it comes to quality, where 'ok' in Thrones terms in pretty bad. Episode six's biggest crime is that a few scenes stick out as being unnecessary or poorly executed.

- The best stuff was in the beginning with Arya. Becoming a Faceless one isn't just about giving up your identity, it's also about lying convincingly to people. Both Jaqen and the Waif demonstrate how inept Arya is at 'the game of faces', to the point where Arya can't even lie to herself properly in a fantastic scene where she gets called out on several lies she convinced herself was true (it seems she really did grow fond of the Hound). Later on she succeeds in lying to a sick girl and convincing her to drink the atrium's death water (what is in that stuff?) which impresses Jaqen enough to show her what's behind the mysterious door: a gigantic cavern filled with human faces of all the people they've killed, presumably where the Faceless ones gets their face masks from. Despite the eerie nature of seeing hundreds of dead human faces mounted on pillars like creepy house ornaments it felt surprisingly...magical? I got a real Harry Potter vibe from The House Of Black And White this week, it's weird I know. Both the architecture and mystical atmosphere really reminds me of Hogwarts. The mystical atmosphere also had a lot to do with the fantastic score that synced up perfectly with Jaqen's spine tinglingly awesome speech: 'No, a girl is not ready to become no-one, but she's ready to become someone else.' Hopefully this doesn't mean Arya will have to put on a face mask and Maisie Williams won't be playing her for a couple of episodes, this is an issue the show will have to get around somehow. Or maybe she's going to wear the face of the dead girl she killed? Now that would be creepy. Despite the overall meh-ness of episode six I can at least say it got me invested in Arya's season 5 storyline, a tough act to follow considering how amazing her team-up with the Hound was.

- Well okay, I also really enjoyed Tyrion and Jorah's little skit this week. In an emotionally charged scene Jorah finally learns about his fathers death and Tyrion's motives for being astray in Volantis. Ian Glen's face acting here when he learns of his fathers death is extremely affecting, which makes me even sadder we probably won't be seeing him in season six. After some mutual bonding over the honorable Joer Mormant we then got some good insight into Jorah's thoughts on Dany, with Tyrion correctly pointing out that she might not be the right fit when it comes to ruling over Westeros. Jorah is obviously unconcerned, arguing that she's got a long way to go before they can start having this conversation, which I guess is true. We're still a long way away from seeing Danaerys attack Kings Landing, but her attempts to make things right in Meereen have been rocky at best. I'm siding with Tyrion on this one. The two bro's then get captured by pirates, with Tyrion once again managing to outwit extremely dumb people by convincing them that Jorah is a skilled fighter and he needs to be attached to his cock. They're both destined for the Dany's reopened fighting pits it seems, although Tyrion may have to sacrifice his cock to a cock merchant first (this was a great gag, implying that cock merchants are a really big thing in Essos). This development is exciting because it means we might see Dany and Tyrion interact before the end of the season, putting them both at the fighting pits is speeding things up. 

So this is what Westeros' Hogwarts is like.

- Onto Kings Landing, both Littlefinger and Olenna Tyrell return to the Capital this episode to try and fix the chaos created by the Faith Millitant. Paetyr Baelish adds another layer to his increasingly intricate power play this week by informing Cersei about Sansa's marriage to Ramsay and convincing her that his army at the Vale could easily overcome the winning side, Stannis or the Boltons. If he succeeds he will be declared the new Warden of the North by Tommen, and presumably work his way into marrying Sansa to grasp a hold over the North. And guess what? He could always help Stannis in taking down the Bolton's, I'm sure Stannis would reward him greatly for this. Seen as Jon doesn't want the position, why not give Baelish Winterfell? Basically he's crafting a game plan so perfect that no matter what happens he's going to win big, and everybody on the show is oblivious to this. Remember he's always wanted revenge on Ned for taking Cateyln away from him, with this his revenge plan is complete complete: Ned dead, the North is Petyr's, and Sansa will be his his replacement Cat. This is ingenious, with a guy as crafty as this how could anybody possible take him down? His weakness seems to be Sansa, but maybe even that is in doubt. If you're playing the Game Of Thrones, it's wise to always bet on Littlefinger. 

- If Cersei was smart you'd assume she'd think that all of this sounded too good to be true but hey, Cersei is to busy being smug over her hold on the Tyrells. She's equally ignorant with Lady 'scene stealer' Olenna, who does nothing but remind her about how stupid her whole scheme is. The Lannisters need the Tyrells support but Cersei risks throwing the alliance away just because she can't have control over her son. This culminates in an interrogation scene where High Sparrow arrests both Margaery and Loras, much to Cersei's amusement. I can't wait to see Olenna retaliate, you can be sure one of the show's best players has something up her sleeve. To quote Bugs Bunny: 'I hope you realize this means war'. Cersei it seems, does not. 

Theon is playing the role of Igor today. 

- Oh dear oh dear, the entire escapade in Dorne was rather laughable wasn't it? From what I've heard from the books, the Sandsnakes are supposed to be badasses, but here they come off as wannabe power rangers. Aside from the incredibly coincidental moment where all three factions aligned: Jaime/Bronn (who somehow got inside the Water gardens in less than a second), Princess Myrcella and Prince Tristan (we literally get one scene with them beforehand) and the Sandsnakes, the fight was terrible. Something about it felt extremely naff, choreographed and cheap looking, completely the opposite of what fight scenes in this show normally are. Couple that with barely getting a look at Dorne (is it really just one big fancy garden?) everything about this storyline has felt rushed, constricted and uncharacteristically bad for the show. Also Bronn got slashed by one of the Sandsnakes, which probably means he's been poisoned. Sh*t. At least next week we might get to some talky bits between Jaime and Doran, so that could be interesting. 

- Then we have Sansa's wedding, which has proved to be incredibly controversial. First of all: of course Ramsay would rape Sansa on her wedding night, and OF COURSE he would make Reek watch. He's a despicable human being, pretty much everyone should have seen this one coming. What sucks about this scene isn't the rape itself, it's the fact that it feels like we're taking Sansa back to square one. She's once again been reduced to the frightened little girl reacting to everything rather than someone who's trying to enact revenge on the people who destroyed her family, something that the show up until this point had been hinting that. You could also make the argument that this scene is gratuitous, but that depends on the effect this will have on Theon and Sansa. Maybe this is the one thing that will finally allow Theon to come out of his shell? I suspect they're going that way, he's been a sniveling bitch long enough. Either way this scene didn't sit well with a lot of people, and it kinda shouldn't. Rape is a really touchy issue, at least the show chose to film things 'tastefully' this time by mainly just focusing on the horror on Reeks face. Congrats to Iwan Rheon though, you sure know how to act being the most despicable scumbag on earth. Let's hope Joffrey has reserved a seat for Ramsay in hell. 

So that concludes this weeks recap, and regardless of what you thought of the episode I'm sure you'll agree that it wasn't up to the standards normally set by the show. I've never called a Game Of Thrones scene bad but Dorne was definitely a low point in the show's history. Let's hope they can pick up the pace next week as we enter the season's endgame. GOT Ranking: 6/10

Game Of Thrones: Kill The Boy

'Kill The Boy' was an interesting Thrones episode. Instead of speeding things up from Eps 3 and 4 which got the ball rolling they decided to apply the brakes this week and focus on only a few of the players for some good old fashioned character development. You could argue that nothing happened, but there's something so damn compelling about seeing these characters interact with one another that I found myself hardly noticing: 

- I have bad news: we're now halfway through the season and I'm starting to wonder whether any 'big' stuff is going to happen before we wrap up and say goodbye to Westeros for another year. Which isn't to say 'Kill The Boy' was bad, far from it in fact, but with the exception of Stannis, Daenerys and Jon's storylines (pretty much everyone featured in this episode) the rest of the segments feel like they're moving so slowly into place. Five episodes left and Jaime still hasn't got into Dorne, Tyrion still hasn't met Dany, Brienne is still looking for SOME KIND of cause to put her loyalty into, Cersei is somehow still alive and Arya has barely been seen. That's a lot of stuff left unresolved, I hope they can deliver. Rushing things admittedly won't help, but I'm selfish, I don't want to wait another year.

- I honestly thought Danaerys was going off the deep end when she was straight up murdering potentially innocent people so she can satisfy her blood lust. Worried about giving her dragons indigestion, she was pretty much like 'This was fun, let's do this tomorrow!' at the end! Sure Barristan's death hit her hard (I think we all miss the old man), but this just hasn't been her style. The show is no doubt trying to echo her link to the infamous mad king, reminding us that she's one step away from burning everyone to death with her Dragons. Up until this episode I refused to believe she would turn crazy, now I'm not so sure. The idea of a genuinely good person trying to rule fairly but be punished for being fair in an unfair world and eventually going crazy because of it is a very Game Of Thrones thing to do, once again upturning the idea of the cliché fantasy chosen one that it so hastily dismantled with the Starks. Consider me worried. 

- Yeah, you feed those Dragons human's Danaerys, I'm sure that will work out. It's not like they have the taste for human flesh or anything...wait wasn't this the reason why she locked her pets up in the first place? So she could PREVENT them from killing and eating humans? Not so righteous now, are you Danaerys? 

- Thankfully after a sweet conversation with Greyworm Missandei convinces Dany to find another way, making her do a complete 180. Hizdahr 'f*ck typing that name' zo Loraq is a day away from being dragon food before suddenly becoming the luckiest man alive as Dany announces that she's going to reopen the fighting pits (what he wanted) and...marry him! Dany's decision making here felt incredibly abrupt, marriage for her obviously isn't that big a deal. I guess she could always institutionalize divorce if things don't go so well. Regardless of how rushed it was she's now finally agreeing to compromise, so she's on the right path. It took a lot of death to get her to this point though.

This is going to go well...

- We're getting a lot of movement at the Wall this week, as both Stannis and Jon are departing after spending half a season deciding what to do next. Some good counseling from Maester Aemon to 'Kill The Boy' results in Jon successfully managing to persuade Tormund (the big red haired dude you most certainly DO NOT WANT TO PISS OFF!) into allying with him to save a bunch of Wildings stranded outside the Wall. It makes you wonder why Jon didn't offer this argument to Mance Raydner before he burned, even if he wasn't Lord Commander yet it might have convinced Mance not to give up his life yet. It certainly seemed to convince Tormund, who is one hell of a scary man. Either way Jon's decision is extremely unpopular with the members of the Night's Watch, even Jon's squire (who killed Ygritte remember) is horrified. I've been patiently waiting for Ygritte's death to come up, maybe as a counterpoint used by Jon to proclame his forgiveness as a way of gaining the Watch's support. I'll be damned if this doesn't come up, why else would they still keep that Ygritte murdering kid around?

- Considering Jon's penchant of getting into fights and various eye popping clips from the trailers, I'm guessing this mission to 'Hardhome' won't go so well. Let's hope it's the White Walkers who attack and not the Wildlings this time. It's been five seasons, we're desperate for some zombie action! 

- Speaking of White Walkers, Stannis 'father of the year' Baratheon continues to be awesome this week by proving that's he's the only major player who's smart enough to give a f*ck about the White Walkers. His short scene with Sam had everyone crying 'YES!!!!! SOMEBODY GETS IT!' as he now knows the White Walkers achilles heel: dragon glass. He seems to have got a lot of it back at his castle, so I don't see the White Walkers being a threat with Stannis in power. Stannis the Mannis then departs (daughter and bitch wife in tow) to Winterfell with his massive army looking to f*ck the Bolton's sh*t up. While Stannis' sudden popularity could be an indicator of his upcoming death the show seems to be biggening up both sides of the conflict, it could be anyone's game at this point. With uncle Davos and crazy Aunt Mel on his side (they're like a dysfunctional family at this point) Stannis will be a tough opponent to beat. 

- It's unclear to me where the vast 100 000 strong Wilding army went at the end of season 4 when Stannis attacked (let alone where his army is being kept!). Did they flee? Are they still camping outside of the Wall? Or are they behind it? The show has been dreadfully unclear on this matter, probably because they're unwilling to animate an army of 100 000 men each week. Still, a simple line of dialogue could have cleared things up. Maybe we're about to get to that with Jon?

Meet your new Tywin and Joffrey, man, and you thought those two were evil? 

- Sansa and the Bolton's were afforded a lot of precious time this week. Once again we end on the 'It's time to go to war note' as Roose convinces Ramsay that his sadistic nature doesn't lend itself well to future planning, partly because he could be expendable with a new heir on the way but mainly because Stannis the Mannis is coming and they had better get their sh*t in order. This segment was aimed at you getting to hate the Bolton's as villains again, with heavy emphasis on Roose and Ramsay. Right now they are the show's only remaining villains (aside from the Freys, although I suspect we will be seeing more of them soon) and in preparation for the future battle we're getting several 'I'M EVIL!' scenes with them. Roose's story of how Ramsay came to be is comically evil, if it wasn't so weirdly touching. 'The second I laid eyes upon you I knew you were my son'. Awwww, isn't that sweet, in a f*cked up kinda way. Ramsay also has a sub-plot with his pre-Sansa girlfriend, their relationship isn't healthy in the slightest. This girl is clearly going to pull a move at some point, I'm surprised she hasn't stabbed Sansa in the back yet. 

- Boltons vs Stannis FIGHT! Unlike other Thrones battles the odds are against the bad guys on this one, makes you wonder if Ramsay might pull of an extremely dirty trick to succeed. It's certainly not past the Bolton's, considering the antics they pulled at the Red Wedding. Stannis' honor bound code could be the death of him when faced with the schemey 'I f*cked a wife next to her hanged husband' Boltons. And if the Bolton's lose the show would be lacking a good set of villains, so maybe that's a reason to still keep them in play. Whatever the outcome I hope we see the results this season, although the end of the season is looking very overcrowded at the moment. 

- Sansa continues to be a wet blanket unfortunately, refusing to deliver on the promise of 'Dark Sansa' we were so pumped for at the end of last season. She does get some development though, finally encountering what's left of Theon in the dog kennels. It's difficult to ascertain her feelings about Reek, does she forgive him or simply revile him? Time will tell I guess, I wonder if her wedding with Ramsay is still coming up?  

The bromance is strong with these ones. 

- Brienne gets another short scene this week, I continue to have no idea where her character is going. She's obviously trying to rescue Sansa but how she will get around to that is confusing, maybe during the heat of battle? Brienne is basically looking for a good cause to sink her loyalty into, which is ironically Stannis at this point but it looks like we're going to have to settle with Sansa. Clips from trailers have showed her in a snowy environment this season, which implies she ends up at the Wall at some point. Again, no idea where this is going. I like Podrick though, so that's something.

- My reaction to Tyrions segment this week: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Ser Davos and Jorah are some of my favorite characters on the show, to see one of them inflicted with a fatal disease is quite frankly heartbreaking. YOU BASTARDS! Just when he was getting along so well with Tyrion.....maybe they can just cut his hand off Walking Dead style? This was a major curve ball, especially occurring so soon after Barristan's death. Considering how slow the disease is he will most likely get to see Dany again before going out in a trailblaze of glory. This would be a sad but satisfying end to his character, unless he somehow gets cured and woos Dany back to his side. Unfortunately, this is not a romantic comedy.

- Pre-death mourning aside (let's face it, he's a goner, this show doesn't do cop outs) the scene before it was incredibly well done. We had a lot of great lore building in the SFX shot's of Old Valyria, a haunting bromance poem between Tyrion and Jorah AND an incredibly intense fight with the Stone Men, what's not to love? We also saw a bit more of Drogon, who seems to playing an ominous role this season as the bearer of bad news (he appeared just before the Harpy's attacked remember). After a lot of hints over at the Wall the inclusion of the stone men felt very natural and not at all in a 'we need bad guys here' kind of way, so I applaud them for the foreshadowing. On the bright side at least we know ahead of time when a character is going to die for once, by Thrones standards that's practically merciful. I declare we should savor every moment with Jorah we have left. 

- No Kings Landing this week? Huh, is that a first outside of the Wall episode? 

- No Jaime/Bronn either. BOOOOOOO! 

- I'm sorry, I just can't get over it: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! R.I.P Lord Friendzone, the unluckiest guy in Westeros. 

That's everything I've got for this week. Concentrating on just four segments may have slowed down the pacing but was invaluable when it came to putting the big pieces in place for (hopefully) the second half of the season. Ultimately it was a necessary building block, and this show never once gets close to boring. GOT Ranking: 8/10. 

Tips for your oral exam

When preparing for an oral exam, especially the few that are coming up for me in the next couple of days, two things are likely to come to mind. 1) it's a lot of work (especially when it involves doing an oral in another language) and 2) OMG THIS IS SO MUCH WORK!!! HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS THE EXAM IS LIKE IN THREE DAYS *STARTS HYPERVENTILATING*. Both of these reactions are perfectly valid and have only one answer: GET TO WORK NOW! Look there's no way of getting around this, if you want a good result then you have to work hard, this applies to pretty much everything and is a common known fact to almost everybody. Some people can get by fine if they're adept enough but in my opinion it's better to be safe than sorry. Personally speaking the more prepared I am the less stressed out I become, and the less stressed out I am I'm less prone to making mistakes. Pushing it back with the excuse that you'll brute force it later is just a way of telling yourself that you'll never get around to it. Frantically panic revising the night before is not beneficial to your mental health, you're going to be kicking yourself with regret all the way to the exam. 

When preparing for an oral (no, not that kind of oral) it's best to split your script up into neat, bite sized morsels that you can easily memorize and keep track of. Literally, just attempt a few sentences at a time, you'll get there. If you learn it all in chronological order and recite them all together repeatedly you'll eventually have it down pretty well. Another thing to remember is that revising in short chunks is much more favorable over brute forcing it over a long period. Try an hour of revision followed by an hour of something else then another hour of revision...memorizing something requires a lot of concentration on your part and doing this over a long period of time is difficult to do. Supposedly our capacity to assimilate something diminishes after 25 mins of concentration so keep that in mind.  How you revise is up to you put I guarantee that doing a little bit of revision every day will be in the long run be much more effective. By the time you can recite most of your script off by heart at pretty much any time of the day you know you've got this down pat. 

Pictured: you refusing to revise before an oral exam

As far as pronunciation of foreign languages is concerned just repeat the word that you're struggling with long enough to the point where you'll be able to do it 50 years from now, this has always worked for me. Several sites like Google Translate offer pronunciation tools so when in doubt use them. Speaking of Google Translate a lot of us are going to be using this to translate our scripts into other languages. To put it bluntly if you want to save time using translators are a must. Sure they're unreliable (and oftentimes completely wrong) but dissecting every single word in a dictionary is going to take hours and Google always offers you multiple choices of translation if you click on the translated words in your browser. Granted you'll be missing out on learning a lot more of the language but there's always later for that, the time you're spending translating everything are better served being spent on revision. Most of the mistakes are also easy to spot anyway, it's also recommended you use multiple translators to spot any differences you might have overlooked, like Pons for example.  

Onto the actual exam itself: displaying confidence is another large part of winning an oral exam, thankfully this can be faked. Attempt to speak clearly and loudly. Talking quietly won't do you any favors, I know we do it often to disguise any mispronunciations or dodgy sentences we never bothered to change last minute but it's an obvious tell. It shows a lack of confidence in your work and makes it difficult for the teacher to judge you. Your script could be complete sh*t but as long as you sell it like it's gold and show a certain assurance in what you're saying you're more likely to win more points in one area than lose points in another.

It's more manipulation than acting really.

You also need to show conviction by stretching your acting muscles a bit and pretending you're super into whatever subject you're talking about. The best piece of advice I can give you is this: MAKE. THEM. REMEMBER. YOU. If you inject a bit of personality into proceedings, it spruces things up a bit, the person evaluating you will like you more. Give your personal opinion on the subject you're handling, inject a bit of humor where possible (this doesn't mean you're presenting a Benny Hill sketch, put a few light touches go a long way) and for the love of god don't be boring or generic. To the teachers evaluating you you're just another student in a long line of students they've already seen so unless you're the first in line you better differentiate yourself from the rest of the pack. For example if you're talking about climate change EVERYONE brings up CO2 from car emissions yet the biggest cause for global warming is actually in elevating meat. Try and put that under the light more, justify it by saying they've probably heard all about CO2 emissions by now so you want to talk about something else. If you do have to mention explicit subjects than at least try to tackle from a different angle other than CO2 = BAD! Show that you're intelligent, don't recite the most boring crap everyone has heard over a hundred times or more. Just make sure you please them with your oral skills. Wait, that wasn't what I meant...

When planning your script, make it look improvised. You can still use a couple of complicated words here and there, but make sure to keep sentences simple and snappy. Refrain from using any onomatopoeia's ('so....', 'ummm....'), but say words or express pauses that people wouldn't put on paper that'll make you look smarter because you seemingly came up with it on the fly ('like.....', 'Oh yeah and I've also just remembered...', 'that reminds me...', 'but...'). Essentially make something that you actually spent working on for hours look like you improvised incredibly well on the spot, that could be one way of accruing a few more points as teachers love kids that can react in a foreign language on the fly. Don't dum it down too much though, you still need to speak intelligently. Heaven forbid if you're just copying a speech directly off the internet (you lazy ass buggers) but at least try and make it seem like you came up with it. Remember: acting!  

I can't decide whether 5 mins is a lot or nothing at all.

If there's a checklist of things you have to mention or do in your exam then try and fulfill each and every one of them satisfactory. Don't forget to time yourself as well, you will be surprised how long 5 mins can feel. It doesn't have to be EXACTLY five minutes remember (they've hardly got a stop watch on them) but at least aim for the four minute mark. Ultimately as long as what you're saying is coherent enough and reaches five minutes for a lot of teachers that's enough. It's that extra finish on top of that though which turns a good score into an excellent one. And let's be honest why wouldn't you aim for the highest score anyway? A few extra hours of work are nothing compared to the rest of your life, you know this. The points you win in this test could be making up for lost points elsewhere, Did you fail the Maths exam? This will make up for it.

The questions part of the exam are always tricky due to their random nature. I would suggest revising answers to questions that are vague enough that they could cover a large variety of possible questions. You can purposefully leave important bits out of your script that you know will be brought up in the questions part of the test. To give you an idea, if your script is on about the notion of power and you don't give the definition of power you can be damn sure this will come up in the second part. It's also possible for them to ask about your personal life, like 'What did you think of this subject' or 'Where are you going after the summer holidays?' Also your answers are nuanced and offer a bit more complexity than a simple 'yes' or 'no', they will want a bit more than that. Teachers for the most part aren't dickheads, the questions won't be super philosophical or anything like that. I imagine they've got a mental checklist with about 50 generic questions or so that they'll just endlessly cycle, so no need to be to creative. Try to go slowly on the answers though, you've got a much bigger risk of losing if you're asked four questions instead of three so take your time.

Well that's all the tip's I can think of off the top of my head. Now if you excuse me I need to stop being lazy and work on my oral skills....

Game Of Thrones: Sons Of The Harpy

Game of Thrones delivered it's A-game this week in 'Sons Of The Harpy' as all parties involved got some meaty stuff to chew on: 

- Shall we start with Kings Landing? In this weeks addition of 'CERSEI IS F*CKING STUPID' she arms the cult of crazy religious fanatics we met last week just so she can get one back on Margaery. The result? A mass sinner culling, which in Westeros means basically everyone is implicated. This extreme depiction of religious fanaticism is weirdly offset by High Sparrow's calm demeanor, but even with Jonathon Pryce's humble exterior any group calling themselves the 'Faith Militant' should set off alarm bells. Not for Cersei though, because she's f*cking crazy. The ensuing onslaught leads to the Faith kidnapping Ser Loras for his sexual crimes and successfully Margaery woos Tommen into rescuing her brother. Tommen's kindly nature gets the better of him however as he refuses to order the mass murder of several Sparrows on holy ground in order to free Ser Loras. Of course Margaery then berates him for this. It's kind of horrible seeing two women manipulating a young boy for their selfish ends, Tommen's public humiliation in this episode is a direct result of their actions. It's abuse, to be frank. While Cersei is well written in the sense that you can see why she is such a bitch her actions in this episode prove that she deserves whatever bad karma is coming towards her, I mean there's no way this could backfire on her right? Judging by their treatment of gays the newly restored Faith Militant probably doesn't approve of incest, and now that cousin Lancel is one of them....

- Cersei also sends Mace Tyrell and Meryn Trant off to Dorne to parlay with the Iron Bank, and seen as Arya is also in Dorne and Trant is on her kill list I think we can all see who her first assassin kill will be. 

Jaime's fake hand is becoming increasingly handy (ouch)

- Can Jaime and Bronn get a spin-off? They're the perfect odd couple: Jaime's good looks and mournful attitude, Bronn's weathered visage and snappy one liners, it all just fits and is great fun to watch. We actually had two scenes with them this week to make up for last weeks no-show, the first taking place on the trade ship heading for Dorne. Bronn is his usual cheery self chatting about how much the Dornish like to, as he puts it: 'fight and f*ck, f*ck and fight' but Jaime is having none of it, he just wants to prevent a war between Dorne and Kings Landing. It's also startling to see how much Jaime hates Tyrion now (which shouldn't be surprising considering Tyrion killed his father and endangered his relationship with Cersei), especially with their emotional goodbye at the end of season 4. The second scene takes place on a beach outside Dorne as the two discuss how they want to die. For Bronn it's an incredibly boring one to contrast his colorful life but Jaime? He wants to 'die in the arms of the woman I love'. Aside from the ominous death talk it's incredibly sad because the reason Jaime is doing this is not to rescue his daughter (Jaime regards his daughter as a cousin, which Bronn picks up on) but instead to get back into Cersei's good books, who clearly despises him now just as much as he does Tyrion. He's like a loyal dog, he just can't seem to get over her. Bronn of course echoes this, simply stating 'does she want the same thing?' Judging by the look on Jaime's face, the answer is most definitely no. After the beach chatting they then get into a fight with some Dornish soldiers, with Jaime finally putting his metal hand to good use and Bronn continuing to be a badass. Between the inability to row, plant graves AND a cool blocking move Jaime must be really loving his fake hand now eh?

- On the same beach as Jaime and Bronn Ellara Sand is meeting Oberyn's daughters nicknamed the Sandsnakes. We're almost halfway through the series and we still haven't seen much of Dorne but things have got to kick off soon as Ellara is hellbent on starting a war with the Lannisters over Oberyn's death, and apparently needs the Sandsnakes help for this. Also thanks to the captain of the trade ship Jaime and Bronn sailed on they now know that Jaime is making his way towards the Water Gardens to rescue Mrycella. This scene is to brief to get to know any of the Sandsnakes well, right now they're 99% thick Spanish accent and 1% ninja. There is a lot of potential for girl power here (I like their different choices of weapons), hopefully it won't be proven by having them put Jaime's head on a pike.

- Tyrion sums up his scene best with 'A waste of a good kidnapping'. After Jorah unties Tyrion's gag the dwarf wastes no time in sussing out who he is Sherlock syle and starts poking fun at him for such a pointless kidnapping. He's actually reminiscent of his pre-season 5 self, now that he's been put back in a situation where he has to outwit someone again he seems a lot more jolly and less prone to self hating, although I'm sure we'll see a lot more of that. Jorah responds with a punch to the face, indicating we have another unrequited bromance in the works. Good, this show needs all the bromances it can get. 

EWWWWWWWWWW!

- Sansa is busy remembering her aunt Lyanna in the crypt beneath Winterfell when Paetyr sneeks in for a goodbye (fun fact: that feather she finds on Lyanna's grave? Robert Baratheon put that there back in the first season). Their conversation touches upon Lyanna Stark and her relationship with Rhaeghar Targaryan, who according to Sansa kidnapped her and raped her. Interestingly Littlefinger decides not to dwell on the subject, implying he knows more about this war starting feud than he lets on. Instead he declares that he's leaving for Kings Landing and gives Sansa a pep talk to boost her resolve. He tells her he's waiting for Stannis to take Winterfell and make Sansa the the new ruler of the North, so essentially painting the marriage between her and Ramsay as temporary. This appears to be his genuine plan, and it's a smart one. With Littlefinger in charge of Harrenhal, the Vale AND potentially the North through Sansa, he will be a pretty powerful guy by owning three of the seven kingdoms (one by proxy) if his power play works out. Leaving Sansa to the mercy of Ramsay though is perhaps not the smartest of moves, unless Sansa succeeds in manipulating him, playing 'the game' as it where. 

- Best scene of the episode WASN'T the Jaime/Bronn pairing as I had predicted but was in fact Stannis' 'Father of the year' speech to Shireen. He's a tough cookie to crack but their is definitely a human being inside Stannis and this scene proved it with an incredibly touching performance by Stephane Dillane. Stannis seems almost autistic in the way he has trouble expressing his emotions but he clearly loves his daughter (unlike his bitch wife who I'm hoping will die already) and still considers her his heir despite the greyscale disfigurements. I'm 100% rooting for Stannis now not just because of his goals (we were mostly on his side because he's against all the bad guys) but also for him as a person, it's taken three seasons but you finally want to see him win for the right reason. 

- We also got to see Melisandre naked for like umpteenth time, now in front of Jon Snow. She clearly sees something in his blood, which makes Stannis' remark about Jon: 'that was not Ned's way' (implying that he doesn't think Jon is a bastard of Ned Stark) all the more interesting. Jon wisely refuses her offer for sex, but she creepily utters Ygritte's 'you know nothing' line which implies she has the power to see into his soul or something. I think it's high time we learnt something more about Melisandre as a character rather than a) showing her burn people and b) showing her naked in pretty much every other scene she's in, it's getting a bit tired at this point and her character has seemingly no depth other than her desire for making monster babies. 

RIP Ser Barristan the badass

- Both the beginning and the ending of 'Sons Of The Harpy' involved brutal uprisings by insurgent factions. The episode ends with the titular Sons Of The Harpy mounting a large scale attack on the streets of Meereen, targeting both the Second Sons and the Unsullied with several bloody ambushes. Following an unsually upbeat conversation with Daenerys about Rhaeghar (the second time he was referenced in this episode funnily enough, with two different viewpoints) Ser Barristan comes to the rescue of Greyworm and kills a good dozen Harpies before keeling over, presumably dead from his wounds. This was an amazingly well choreographed and structured sequence with that patented Game Of Thrones 'anything can happen' feel. Both Greyworm and Ser Barristan get wounded pretty badly so I wouldn't be surprised to see one or both of them dead next week. Greyworm is unlikely though, he sustained survivable injuries and there has been no resolution between him and Missandei which in narrative terms means he still has a part to play. Barristan however, while clearly a badass (he killed so many Harpies I actually thought he might survive!) would make sense as his death leaves a door open for Jorah to step back in AND would make Daenerys more prone to making stupid decisions that she otherwise wouldn't have done due to the wise counseling she has always got from him. So yeah....Barristan is likely a goner but boy did he go out fighting. I'm intrigued to see how this impacts Danaerys next week, but also saddened to see one of the genuinely 'good' characters hit the dust once more. Team Dany has taken another hit.   

'Sons Of The Harpy' was compelling from beginning to end and has a nailbiting cliffhanger of an ending. Next episode please: 8,5/10

Game Of Thrones: High Sparrow

'High Sparrow' contained a lot of exciting developments, from the unveiling of Littlefinger's latest scheme to Tyrion encountering Jorah a lot of exciting stuff is happening as the many threads this show weaves are starting to converge. I think I can safely say we're into the 'meat' of the season now, the introductions are over.

- Well, maybe not entirely. We were introduced to High Sparrow in Kings Landing this week, the leader of the religious sect that Cersei's cousin Lancel has joined. Based on what we've heard so far you would be forgiven for thinking that the 'Sparrows' are a bunch of religious nuts, and to be fair they still could be, but High Sparrow actually seems like a really nice and humble guy, partly because of Jonathan Pryce's selfless performance. Judging by the star casting High Sparrow is clearly going to have a large role this season, maybe as another, saner, adviser to Cersei? I like this character so far, and after this week there seems to be a vacancy for the High Septon position sooo....Jonathan Pryce as Pope anyone? That would be cool.

- After this week Tommen is now a happily married man. They make no bones about the fact that he's clearly having the time of his life having his brains f*cked out by Margaery, you kinda feel a little grossed out by staggering the age difference between the two of them however. All this sex is obviously wrapping the king around his bride's finger, which Margaery unwisely rubs all over Cersei's face. Considering how impulsive Cersei can be I don't think taunting her is the best course of action: right now we're waiting for events at Kings Landing to explode so Cersei's general stupidity when it comes to decision making along with her hatred for the Tyrells is undoubtedly going to end in bloodshed. Most of all I feel bad for Tommen, he's a nice kid who will inevitably get brutally murdered at some point or another, probably due to his mother's stupidity.

- This week my suspicions about that crazy doctor were confirmed. WTF is Qyburn doing to the body of the Mountain?!! By now we're encroaching Frankenstein territory, I'm honestly terrified by what's under there. Frankenmountain is inevitably going to be unleashed at some point, god help anyone who has Cersei's ire...

- Has it occurred to anyone that this is the third episode in a row where we've had a public execution? Just something I've noticed. The man to hit the chopping block this week is Janos Slynt, a sniveling bastard who I think we can all agree has had this coming for a while now. Thankfully Jon proves himself to be a competent leader and didn't back down this time (he was very much emulating his father's footsteps this week), gorily slicing that bastards head off much to Stannis' approval. We also had a juicy convo with Davos (one of my fave secondary characters by the way), who rightfully called Jon Snow out on his sh*t from last week about honoring his vows to the Nights Watch in a very Davos way. Everyone should listen to Davos' advice, especially Jon. Also: YOU ARE THE COMMANDER NOW JON, CHANGE THE F*CKING RULES! 

Enjoy while you can, kid.

- We saw a bit more of Arya's journey into the assassins guild this week. Jaqen H'ghar is as usual being annoyingly cryptic about everything, which is probably because so far the house of black and white seems to be a glorified suicide booth where people worship the god of death before offing themselves. After getting into a fight with a bitch played by Faye Marsay Arya is told by Jaqen that in order to become one of the faceless men she must first become 'no one' and that means giving up all of Arya Stark's possessions. This leads to the emotionally charged scene of Arya deciding whether or not she should give up Needle, the sword that Jon Snow gifted to her back in season 1 before he left for the Wall. She's obviously not willing to let everything go just yet, choosing to hide the sword instead of committing it the depths. They seem to be hinting at an identity crisis for her this season (or in this case a lack of one), her lust for revenge is the reason why she came to this place and itgoes against EVERYTHING the assassin's guild stands for, because they're all about removing any emotion you might have once had. Arya not being Arya is a grim prospect so I hope she will continue to retain who she is. Also can we skip the floor sweeping and just get straight to the assassin training? 

- No Jaime/Bronn this time: BOOOOO! 

- We got a lot of good stuff with Tyrion in 'High Sparrow'. It's sad to see the Varys/Tyrion pairing end (I hope this isn't the last we see of Varys this season) but Jorah kidnapping him is a great cliffhanger that instantly makes you want to grab the remote and switch over to the next episode, mainly because this is the first time any of Dany's people have interacted with anyone from Westeros, plus Jorah is a badass and there's a lot of potential in this team-up. The irony is of course on Jorah, who is taking Tyrion exactly where he wants to go. Will delivering a Lannister be enough to sway Dany back to his side though? I think he's grasping at straws. Aside from the ending scene did anyone else think that the actress who played the prostitute was a bit too good for a simple extra? She had great chemistry with Tyrion in that short little scene, I wonder if we'll be seeing more of her? 

Littlefinger, king of badass quotes.

- So the best segment this week was Sansa's, who's storyline has gone from 'we'll see where this goes' to 'HOLY CRAP THIS JUST GOT INTERESTING' as Littlefinger has convinced her to marry Ramsay Bolton, of all people. This was quite the reveal, we're once again seeing two separate storylines converge into big events (Stannis/Jon, Tyrion/Daenerys?). Seeing the two biggest schemers on the show ally is quite exciting, even if Petyr Baelish is leagues ahead of Roose Bolton when it comes to scheming. Suffice to say they're wisely untrustworthy of one another, which is kind of hilarious considering their backstabbing backgrounds. Littlefinger's reasons for arranging this deal are a bit murky, it's hard to tell if he's genuinely caring for Sansa or just using her as a pawn in his next big power grab. Either way this is an extremely intriguing development which means a) Sansa is going to interact with Theon, b) when Stannis attacks the North it won't look good when Sansa if married to the enemy and c) Ramsay's girlfriend(s) are out for blood. By the way did anyone else shout 'NOOOOO!' when Baelish said he knew practically nothing about Ramsey? Surely that's something he would have looked into, but I guess if he even had passing knowledge of Ramsay's escapades this deal wouldn't even be a consideration. As for Ramsay did anyone else think he was oddly...genuine towards Sansa this episode? It would be interesting to see if he will be any different in Sansa's presence, maybe she can rein him in with her womanly wiles? Again, his girlfriend doesn't look happy.

- We also mustn't forget the third party in all this, Brienne is still on Sansa's tail and will likely be at Winterfell in the next few episodes. It's interesting to see different factions converging around Winterfell and the Wall, Sansa marrying Ramsay in time for Stannis launching an all out attack on the North would be epic enough for the infamous upcoming ninth episode. Brienne is a big wildcard in the midst of all this, her desire to kill Stannis (who isn't aware of her threat) could very well prove to be his undoing...or she could bust Sansa out of Winterfell, foiling Littlefinger and the Bolton's plans. Let's also not forget that Stannis's offer to Jon is still very much on the table, what if Jon is the one to attack Winterfell? This is all very exciting.

So a great episode this week then, with all featured characters undergoing significant developments. Nothing can beat Game Of Thrones when it's running at full steam, and this week things are getting very heated indeed. GOT ranking: 8,5/10.