Game Of Thrones: Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken

'Unbowed, Unbent, Unbroken' (the Martell family motto) is probably one of the worst Game Of Thrones episodes. That's mostly because of the high standard the series has set when it comes to quality, where 'ok' in Thrones terms in pretty bad. Episode six's biggest crime is that a few scenes stick out as being unnecessary or poorly executed.

- The best stuff was in the beginning with Arya. Becoming a Faceless one isn't just about giving up your identity, it's also about lying convincingly to people. Both Jaqen and the Waif demonstrate how inept Arya is at 'the game of faces', to the point where Arya can't even lie to herself properly in a fantastic scene where she gets called out on several lies she convinced herself was true (it seems she really did grow fond of the Hound). Later on she succeeds in lying to a sick girl and convincing her to drink the atrium's death water (what is in that stuff?) which impresses Jaqen enough to show her what's behind the mysterious door: a gigantic cavern filled with human faces of all the people they've killed, presumably where the Faceless ones gets their face masks from. Despite the eerie nature of seeing hundreds of dead human faces mounted on pillars like creepy house ornaments it felt surprisingly...magical? I got a real Harry Potter vibe from The House Of Black And White this week, it's weird I know. Both the architecture and mystical atmosphere really reminds me of Hogwarts. The mystical atmosphere also had a lot to do with the fantastic score that synced up perfectly with Jaqen's spine tinglingly awesome speech: 'No, a girl is not ready to become no-one, but she's ready to become someone else.' Hopefully this doesn't mean Arya will have to put on a face mask and Maisie Williams won't be playing her for a couple of episodes, this is an issue the show will have to get around somehow. Or maybe she's going to wear the face of the dead girl she killed? Now that would be creepy. Despite the overall meh-ness of episode six I can at least say it got me invested in Arya's season 5 storyline, a tough act to follow considering how amazing her team-up with the Hound was.

- Well okay, I also really enjoyed Tyrion and Jorah's little skit this week. In an emotionally charged scene Jorah finally learns about his fathers death and Tyrion's motives for being astray in Volantis. Ian Glen's face acting here when he learns of his fathers death is extremely affecting, which makes me even sadder we probably won't be seeing him in season six. After some mutual bonding over the honorable Joer Mormant we then got some good insight into Jorah's thoughts on Dany, with Tyrion correctly pointing out that she might not be the right fit when it comes to ruling over Westeros. Jorah is obviously unconcerned, arguing that she's got a long way to go before they can start having this conversation, which I guess is true. We're still a long way away from seeing Danaerys attack Kings Landing, but her attempts to make things right in Meereen have been rocky at best. I'm siding with Tyrion on this one. The two bro's then get captured by pirates, with Tyrion once again managing to outwit extremely dumb people by convincing them that Jorah is a skilled fighter and he needs to be attached to his cock. They're both destined for the Dany's reopened fighting pits it seems, although Tyrion may have to sacrifice his cock to a cock merchant first (this was a great gag, implying that cock merchants are a really big thing in Essos). This development is exciting because it means we might see Dany and Tyrion interact before the end of the season, putting them both at the fighting pits is speeding things up. 

So this is what Westeros' Hogwarts is like.

- Onto Kings Landing, both Littlefinger and Olenna Tyrell return to the Capital this episode to try and fix the chaos created by the Faith Millitant. Paetyr Baelish adds another layer to his increasingly intricate power play this week by informing Cersei about Sansa's marriage to Ramsay and convincing her that his army at the Vale could easily overcome the winning side, Stannis or the Boltons. If he succeeds he will be declared the new Warden of the North by Tommen, and presumably work his way into marrying Sansa to grasp a hold over the North. And guess what? He could always help Stannis in taking down the Bolton's, I'm sure Stannis would reward him greatly for this. Seen as Jon doesn't want the position, why not give Baelish Winterfell? Basically he's crafting a game plan so perfect that no matter what happens he's going to win big, and everybody on the show is oblivious to this. Remember he's always wanted revenge on Ned for taking Cateyln away from him, with this his revenge plan is complete complete: Ned dead, the North is Petyr's, and Sansa will be his his replacement Cat. This is ingenious, with a guy as crafty as this how could anybody possible take him down? His weakness seems to be Sansa, but maybe even that is in doubt. If you're playing the Game Of Thrones, it's wise to always bet on Littlefinger. 

- If Cersei was smart you'd assume she'd think that all of this sounded too good to be true but hey, Cersei is to busy being smug over her hold on the Tyrells. She's equally ignorant with Lady 'scene stealer' Olenna, who does nothing but remind her about how stupid her whole scheme is. The Lannisters need the Tyrells support but Cersei risks throwing the alliance away just because she can't have control over her son. This culminates in an interrogation scene where High Sparrow arrests both Margaery and Loras, much to Cersei's amusement. I can't wait to see Olenna retaliate, you can be sure one of the show's best players has something up her sleeve. To quote Bugs Bunny: 'I hope you realize this means war'. Cersei it seems, does not. 

Theon is playing the role of Igor today. 

- Oh dear oh dear, the entire escapade in Dorne was rather laughable wasn't it? From what I've heard from the books, the Sandsnakes are supposed to be badasses, but here they come off as wannabe power rangers. Aside from the incredibly coincidental moment where all three factions aligned: Jaime/Bronn (who somehow got inside the Water gardens in less than a second), Princess Myrcella and Prince Tristan (we literally get one scene with them beforehand) and the Sandsnakes, the fight was terrible. Something about it felt extremely naff, choreographed and cheap looking, completely the opposite of what fight scenes in this show normally are. Couple that with barely getting a look at Dorne (is it really just one big fancy garden?) everything about this storyline has felt rushed, constricted and uncharacteristically bad for the show. Also Bronn got slashed by one of the Sandsnakes, which probably means he's been poisoned. Sh*t. At least next week we might get to some talky bits between Jaime and Doran, so that could be interesting. 

- Then we have Sansa's wedding, which has proved to be incredibly controversial. First of all: of course Ramsay would rape Sansa on her wedding night, and OF COURSE he would make Reek watch. He's a despicable human being, pretty much everyone should have seen this one coming. What sucks about this scene isn't the rape itself, it's the fact that it feels like we're taking Sansa back to square one. She's once again been reduced to the frightened little girl reacting to everything rather than someone who's trying to enact revenge on the people who destroyed her family, something that the show up until this point had been hinting that. You could also make the argument that this scene is gratuitous, but that depends on the effect this will have on Theon and Sansa. Maybe this is the one thing that will finally allow Theon to come out of his shell? I suspect they're going that way, he's been a sniveling bitch long enough. Either way this scene didn't sit well with a lot of people, and it kinda shouldn't. Rape is a really touchy issue, at least the show chose to film things 'tastefully' this time by mainly just focusing on the horror on Reeks face. Congrats to Iwan Rheon though, you sure know how to act being the most despicable scumbag on earth. Let's hope Joffrey has reserved a seat for Ramsay in hell. 

So that concludes this weeks recap, and regardless of what you thought of the episode I'm sure you'll agree that it wasn't up to the standards normally set by the show. I've never called a Game Of Thrones scene bad but Dorne was definitely a low point in the show's history. Let's hope they can pick up the pace next week as we enter the season's endgame. GOT Ranking: 6/10